wife: um, why is the zoo calling about a missing giraffe? me measuring the ceiling: no idea.
“Johnny the sky is the limit.” Thus, Johnny’s dreams of becoming an astronaut were ruined.
“Johnny the sky is the limit.” Thus, Johnny’s dreams of becoming an astronaut were ruined.
Did you hear about the 2 antennas that got married? It was a nice ceremony …but the reception was amazing.
Did you hear about the 2 antennas that got married? It was a nice ceremony …but the reception was amazing.
Whats long brown and sticky? A stick
Whats long brown and sticky? A stick
Yeah, cigarettes make you cool but they also take years off your life. Those are just two benefits.
Yeah, cigarettes make you cool but they also take years off your life. Those are just two benefits.
Good news, you survived the horrific car crash. Sadly we couldn’t find the other guy’s arms but we managed to reattach all four of yours
Good news, you survived the horrific car crash. Sadly we couldn’t find the other guy’s arms but we managed to reattach all four of yours
When a bite of food falls off your plate… And you just stare at it on the ground like, “We could’ve made each other happy…”
When a bite of food falls off your plate… And you just stare at it on the ground like, “We could’ve made each other happy…”
What do you call a Jewish Pokemon Trainer? Ash credits to /u/nothingbutcold
What do you call a Jewish Pokemon Trainer? Ash credits to /u/nothingbutcold
To the person who just mass messaged me that heart felt “Merry Christmas” text, I thought you should know everyone says “Thanks”. ..All 115 of them.
To the person who just mass messaged me that heart felt “Merry Christmas” text, I thought you should know everyone says “Thanks”. ..All 115 of them.
What do you call a super kind man who spends too much time on the beach? A tangent
What do you call a super kind man who spends too much time on the beach? A tangent