According to my laptop, my New Year’s resolution is 1680 x 1050.
the waiter snuck up on me when i was eating my steak and now i’m all embarrassed ’cause i’m not sure how much to tip someone i just stabbed.
the waiter snuck up on me when i was eating my steak and now i’m all embarrassed ’cause i’m not sure how much to tip someone i just stabbed.
Never using online dating again. Last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison. He meant prison.
Never using online dating again. Last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison. He meant prison.
Why was Ohm the Empire’s best scout? He discovered the resistance
Why was Ohm the Empire’s best scout? He discovered the resistance
What’s Donald Trumps favourite album? The Wall.
What’s Donald Trumps favourite album? The Wall.
There is a huge spider in my kitchen so I will be tweeting from on top of this table for whatever the life span of this species is.
There is a huge spider in my kitchen so I will be tweeting from on top of this table for whatever the life span of this species is.
My wife cooked ribs last night. I accidentally dropped one on the floor, but still picked it up and took a bite. She yelled, “that’s disgusting!” I replied, “well, you’re the one that cooked it!”
My wife cooked ribs last night. I accidentally dropped one on the floor, but still picked it up and took a bite. She yelled, “that’s disgusting!” I replied, “well, you’re the one that cooked it!”
I told my friend a chemistry joke. He didn’t react… I wanted to tell my girlfriend, but SHe doesn’t exist.
I told my friend a chemistry joke. He didn’t react… I wanted to tell my girlfriend, but SHe doesn’t exist.
How much does the Holocaust?
How much does the Holocaust?
[NSFW] Do you know who is the best at brushing their teeth? Adult males because they have experience at grasping a firm rod and moving it back and forth in a rapid motion.
[NSFW] Do you know who is the best at brushing their teeth? Adult males because they have experience at grasping a firm rod and moving it back and forth in a rapid motion.