My answering machine message: “I have caller ID, please don’t leave a message, I will not be returning your call.” No beep, just a foghorn.
The World’s Shortest Joke – Jimmy Carr Dwarf shortage
The World’s Shortest Joke – Jimmy Carr Dwarf shortage
Why did Helen Keller mastutbate with one hand? So she could moan with the other.
Why did Helen Keller mastutbate with one hand? So she could moan with the other.
Why did the guy give up connecting his controller to his Xbox? He was syncing too much time into it.
Why did the guy give up connecting his controller to his Xbox? He was syncing too much time into it.
The string of expletives that poured from my mouth when I woke up at 3 pm to realize my alarm didn’t go off was pure smut poetry
The string of expletives that poured from my mouth when I woke up at 3 pm to realize my alarm didn’t go off was pure smut poetry
I had my first date last night! Such an underrated fruit.
I had my first date last night! Such an underrated fruit.
A priest, a rabbi, a horse, and a blonde walk into a bar… …The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
A priest, a rabbi, a horse, and a blonde walk into a bar… …The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A: It’s not hard.
Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A: It’s not hard.
I don’t feel bad for the people killed in “Jaws”. When I know where a murderer lives, I don’t go swimming in his bathtub.
I don’t feel bad for the people killed in “Jaws”. When I know where a murderer lives, I don’t go swimming in his bathtub.
3yo: I don’t want a walk Me: Come on, it’ll be fun braving the elements [An hour later] 3yo: *Very disappointed* Where are the elephants?
3yo: I don’t want a walk Me: Come on, it’ll be fun braving the elements [An hour later] 3yo: *Very disappointed* Where are the elephants?